Fred Armisten asks it in SNL’s 2010/2011 takes on The Lawrence Welk Show. My sisters and I can quote every sketch by heart. Especially choice lines from “Joonice” or “Eunice,” or whatever her name is–we can’t quite figure it out. But next to my three beautiful sisters I’m definitely the gal with the big forehead, the baby hands and the affinity for mustard. (Is that bad?)
“Is it just me, or could you show a movie on that girl’s forehead?”
“Is her forehead really big or am I just looking through a buncha bubbles?”
“Is it just me or does her forehead look like the side of a cliff?”
Anyway. Once I was watching a movie with Gam. I think I was in high school. She studies my face for a few moments before she leans in and asks, matter-of-factly, “Have you ever thought about bangs?”
“Not really, why?”
“Well you do have a rather high forehead. Bangs would cover it up a little bit.”
[Cricket Cricket Cricket]
“And you could let them hang in your eyes, and look up to the right and blow them away, like this.”
She makes a flirty face and blows a tuft of air out of the right corner of her mouth, sending her thin curly tendrils up, up and away.
“It could be your signature move.”
“My signature move?”
“Yes. Every girl must have one. And that could be yours!”
I wonder what Gam’s signature move is?
There are probably quite a few.
(Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo . . . )