Ninja Trait #9: KOTTOBAC

Ninja Trait #9: Knowledge of the Teachings of Bhuddha & Confucius

I don’t know how much Gam knows about Bhuddism, though I’m sure she’d surprise me.

But there are a few people she follows religiously:

1. Jesus.

(Heck, he curls her hair.)

2. Michael Savage

Every. Single. Night.

Evenings after nine, she drifts off to pre-recorded cassettes (thanks to my sweet Uncle) and wakes up with political views she needs three mirrors to see.

3. Mark Harmon

AKA “Gibbs,” her favorite NCIS heartthrob. She may just be swooning over blue eyes and a full head of hair but by this time I’m convinced she could diffuse a nuclear time bomb with a cat toy and a ball of tin foil (or at the very least figure out which one of the Riddle employees has been stealing from her liquor cabinet.)

I’d say the three of them are pretty #9 worthy.


Gam Likes Mark Harmon

Gam likes Mark Harmon.

How do I feel about my grandma having a crush on a guy half her age? I will get back to you on that one.

But it’s true. Gam likes Mark Harmon-gallant protagonist of her favorite show, NCIS.

“I could stare at that man all day.”

So could Loretta–her wellness nurse. As we discovered on her daily trek to Health & Wellness.

Gam has to have a shot in her stomach every morning to try and dissolve the blood clots in her lungs. (She thinks its pointless because the time it’ll take to get rid of them is longer than she’s expected to be around–but she does it anyway. A good sport.)

Anyway. I really love Loretta. She’s wonderful. Very down to earth. A nice Philly accent. She doesn’t pull punches. And she’s hooked on NCIS, too. Gives them something to talk about. As if they needed anything else.

On our first morning in Philly, Patty and I wheel her down to Wellness for her daily shot at exactly quarter of eleven. She lifts up her shirt like a little girl showing off and braces herself as Loretta chats away.

“Did you SEE our boy in the last episode?” Loretta swoons, swabbing Gam’s tummy with an alcohol pad. Game moans. Loretta freezes.

[gasp] “You ok, Pat?”

“Yes. I just felt something.”

Unfortunately it wasn’t the shot. She sighs and moves her bony fingers to her heart and makes a pitter patter motion.

And I throw up in my mouth a little.


“Hey . . . how you feelin?”

“Oh Jenny its horrible. They have me here cause my blood pressure’s low, or something. But it’s completely ridiculous. I’m fine. Just want to go home. My cat needs me.”

“Your cat does need you. And you’re going to miss NCIS!”

“And Obama. But mostly NCIS.”